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"I love all the old classic music. Bands like Take
That, that my mum used to listen to" - Pixie Lott
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POPBITCH _ _ _
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|_| |_| 04.02.10 ISSUE 484
Free every week: to subscribe/unsubscribe
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To send us stories Email: hello@popbitch.com
* John Terry mini-special
* Han Solo to the rescue
* Charts: Owl City beating Jedward for number one
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>> Day Of The Jacket <<
Time to get your coat, Darren
Darren Day is due to appear in court next week
on a charge of drink driving. We hear from a
court insider that back when he was first
charged (the week before Christmas) he asked a
prison guard whether he could borrow a jacket
to pull over his head to hide his face from
the awaiting paps outside before being bailed
out the back door. The guard agreed, on the
understanding Day gives the coat back next time
he was up in court.
Day's been back to court three times since. The
prison guard is yet to get his jacket back.
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Ray Parker Jr (Ghostbusters) was Stevie Wonder's
guitarist on Sesame Street in 1973. He played a
blistering version of Superstition.
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>> John Terry: A mini special <<
A Popbitch tribute to the England captain
A sports magazine sent a couple of journalists
to interview John Terry, one male; one female.
At the end of the shoot JT and his
representative left. But then the agent came
back, to tell the girl that John wanted to
invite her to the upcoming Chelsea party.
In the time honoured tradition, she made
her excuses and left.
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Did you know JT has scored 28 times at
the Bridge? Nah, nor did Wayne.
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>> Team bonding <<
A grand don't come for free
Last autumn, one day after training, Chelsea
first-teamers were asked to stay behind for a
presentation. A man was brought in and talked to
them about a property investment offer overseas.
The players were then given a couple of grand
for listening, which left more than one of them
a little mystified.
It turned out that the property consultant
had arranged the talk through a man claiming
to be a representative of John Terry. And
he'd handed over a six-figure sum for the "in".
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An anagram of Chelsea's John Terry is
Lecher Enjoys Trash.
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>> Cashing in <<
It's all gold for Terry
Remember that email going round a few weeks ago
touting John Terry to brands and sponsors?
Well, it seems that Riviera marketing had given
Terry a wedge of cash to secure his image rights
and realised they needed to do something fast
to make back some money.
Add in Terry going to the Sun (the paper who
refused to keep quiet about his mum's
shoplifting) to secure another 300 grand for
writing columns, and he looks like a man who,
despite the 150k salary a week, is in need of
cash. As Kelvin Mackenzie said in the Sun
today "How much money does he need? Or are
those stories about his gambling debts true?"
Wouldn't it be funnier if it was for paying
off kiss and tell girls - Tiger Woods
style. Or like a recent foreign Premiership hero,
who has only managed to make sure his name is
not synonymous with cheating by being very
generous to girls and the media.
Or at least that was the case back then.
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Any girls out there expecting a Terry-fuelled payday
should hurry to tabloids now. The first of Tiger
Woods' mistresses was offered 150k by NoTW. The
12th? Not much more than a fish supper and bus fare.
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>> Reign of Terry <<
Chelsea managers put in place
John Terry is often blamed for hastening
Mourinho's departure but a club insider tells
us he could have played a part in Avram Grant's
demise too. Alleged Thai-fancier Avram was
attacked in the press by Chelsea defender Tal
Ben Haim. Grant was not amused and Ben Haim
found his first team opportunities somewhat
limited. However, Ben Haim was mates with
Terry who, we're told, made it clear to Grant
that he wouldn't take too kindly if Ben Haim was
dropped for long. It was not long after this
that stories started to appear in the sports
pages that Grant's number two, Steve Clarke,
was effectively running the team.
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So JT was sleeping with Wayne Bridge's girl. Poor old
Wayne - he wasn't even first choice with his missus.
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>> Once bitten <<
It's hard to be a football writer
It must be difficult for footballer writers
when they're put on the spot to take the
moral high-ground. News of the World writer
Rob Shepherd called for Terry to step down
as England captain last weekend,
"Terry did not break the law but he
committed a cardinal sin of the dressing room."
Rob Shepherd is, of course, himself no stranger
to breaking the law. He was given a prison
sentence in 2004 for biting someone's face after
an argument in a bar in Beckenham.
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JT has signed up to star in a new TV show.
It's called Other Footballers' Wives.
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>> Terry towelling <<
Once again, Germans get there first
The JT/Wayne Bridge England issue has a German
parallel. In the late 90s, controversial
midfielder Stefan Effenberg had an affair with
the wife of his Germany team-mate, Thomas Strunz.
Strunz found out about Claudia's affair when he
read a text message from Effenberg on his wife's
phone. Effenberg married Claudia and they moved
to the USA to get away from it all. Though not
before publishing an autobiography which
included some nice and mucky photographs of him
and his new bride.
*************** JT Special ends **********************
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The average cloud weighs 69,000 tonnes.
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>> Celebrity Hijack <<
Han Solo to the rescue!
Harrison Ford is due to fly in to Haiti today,
with NGO Aviation for Humanity, the latest
in a long line of celebrities getting in the
way of trained medics and aid workers, sorry,
we meant doing their bit. Leona Lewis flies
in next week and James Cameron has also
donated a plane for the aid airlift.
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Tommy B, ex Blazin' Squad, is now the postboy
at Virgin Media.
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>> Scarey Carey <<
Casting director of the year nominee
ccbaxter writes:
"I auditioned Carey Mulligan (Oscar nominee for
An Education) a couple of years ago for something.
She's far, far more attractive in real life than
she photographs with that rubbish short hair. I
didn't give her the job, which means I can now
add her to Emily Blunt, Abbie Cornish, Sam
Worthington, James McAvoy and Keira Knightley
on the list of people I've spectacularly failed
to employ when given a chance."
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Carey Mulligan was offered the role of Dr Who assistant,
which eventually went to Catherine Tate. She apparently
said no because Dr Who fans are too mentally obsessive.
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>> Big Questions <<
Who is asking what this week
Which former England sports star used to call
up the pay-phones in the sixth-form boarding
house of the nearby girls school and ask the
girls to meet him for a drink in the local pub?
There was only one rule. They had to wear a
mini skirt.
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David Duchovny of X-Files fame, has an unfinished
PhD thesis titled "Magic And Technology In
Contemporary Poetry And Prose."
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>> Toeing the line <<
Ainsley Harriott is nice but odd
CT Warrior writes:
"About 3 years ago I was in a pub in Clapham
and met Ainsley Harriott at the bar. He was
extremely nice and down to earth nice and we
got chatting. After buying each other a few
rounds I asked him to tell me something
interesting about him and he said.
"I'm missing a toe on my left foot."
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Andy Bell is going to be performing at European
Gay Ski Week in March.
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>> Blame Coco <<
Sting daughter "world's worst DJ"
We all understand how the world of celebrity
DJing works. Find a young, attractive
female. Give them a CD or similar with
mixed records on it. Er, that's it!
At Vauxhall's ice skate last week Paloma
Faith was somewhat put out when the sound
system broke during her set (not surprisingly,
as when the music came back on, it was as
if the set started from the beginning again).
Coco "Sting Jnr" Sumner's DJing skills also drew
some complaints. But full credit to her,
when some guy came up and asked to book
her she answered, "I'm the world's worst DJ."
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Strange that most articles about Paloma Faith seem to
be under the impression she's 24. Being born on
21st July 1981 would make you 28, no?
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>> Things that make you go hmmm <<
Take A Break, Columbian funerals, Matt Goss
It's a shame Katie Price and Alex Reid didn't
time their wedding a little better. They could
have had Matt Goss serenade them on their
honeymoon:
http://www.mattgoss.biz/news-4/index.asp
Comedy and music night at King's College
to raise money for the Omid Foundation
for abused women in Iran. Buy a ticket and
get free entry to the after party:
http://www.kclsutickets.com/eventinfo/78/KIS-presents-Jaam-e-Jam
A hearse driver gets drunk in Bogota:
http://www.shortnews.com/start.cfm?id=78927
Weebls-Stuff spoofs Britain's Got Talent
and SuBo with gooey egg creatures:
http://www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/Goo+Got+Talent+1/
Enjoy Take A Break's weird coverlines but too
freaked out to buy the magazine?
http://www.takeaweirdbreak.com/
Too much 3D and glossy movie overload?
http://bit.ly/biIJ0l
>> UK Top 40: Chart News <<
Jedward vs Fireflies for number one
Are Jedward the new Soulwax? Even Vanilla Ice
- writer of Ice, Ice Baby - didn't realise that
his song would blend so seamlessly into
Queen/Bowie's Under Pressure ("Theirs goes,
'Ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.' Ours goes,
'Ding ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.'") so
they're obviously master-mixers.
Perhaps when they release that version of
Ghostbusters they did, they should mix it with
Huey Lewis and The News:
http://bit.ly/ccmDy9
>> End Bit <<
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****************************************************
Thanks to: CL, SW, LM, AM, SW, NF, monstris,
AM, JC, fo_shizzle, honk, theabominablehoman,
thegingerprince, EA, TH, C, Ulysses, CM, DL,
jacques_as_in_hattie (for the anagram)
**************************************************
Old Jokes Home:
Q: How many musos does it take to screw in
a lightbulb?
A: It's a pretty obscure number.
You probably haven't heard of it.
Still Bored?
Wonder what kind of week John Terry's tranny
lookalike must have had? A reminder:
http://bit.ly/9CASS1
